Thursday, April 17, 2008

i knew it was coming

I wrote this blog, April 2nd, but never posted. It's a good time to do so now.

uh oh. (Working title)
I am not sure how today's entry is going to turn out. I don't know where I am going with it. This won't be a superficial post. I need a place to vent and I am nearly in tears.Lately, I have been going through some major ups and downs.Normally I would be desensitized to everything around me. Since I have met Joel, my heart has opened up to a new level. And I am thankful for that. But also comes a down side. I am super touchy, I am very pessimistic when it comes to things that are misunderstood. Lately, I haven't felt I meet his expectations. Nothing I do is good enough.

The dog I rescued ran away Sunday. I can't even bribe a starving dog with food and shelter. I was at an all time low for two days after this happened.

Friendships come and go, I know. People grow apart. I would think someone who has been in my life for what seems an eternity, would not forget me.

I'm stuck in the desert for the time being. I feel caged.I am thinking about taking another road trip, soon. And by myself this time. It's been on my mind constantly. Last year's trip was so enlightening and I need a boost of that again. Perhaps that is my addiction. This isn't a metaphor for running away from my problems, I learned so much on my last trip. I came back a new person. I want that again. It's time. Maybe the dog and I were two peas in a pod...meant to be lone wolves, kittens, married to the sea...

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