Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Surviving Grief {Part 2 Dream State}

I'm grateful that my subconscious mind dreams in color and carries such vividness and emotion when I am asleep. I've always been a believer that remembering dreams the next morning can help with conflicts in real life. They give me an outlook to an issue I may not have thought of before. I woke up this morning with my heart pounding.

Dream State

I was out and about in the city doing errands and driving around in my white Tahoe. I get a phone call that my father is in the hospital.  I am rushing around and encountering every possible obstacle to get to the hospital. My vehicle completely breaks down and it ends up on a ledge upon someone's in-ground backyard pool.  I get out and I start running for my life through people's yards. I recognize one family and I think to myself, they wouldn't mind if I jump their fences (as the crow flies) to the hospital. I get to the back of the fence line and I am stopped with fear because their dogs heard me. The owner comes out and I begged and pleaded with him not to call the police. I sweet talk him and he lets me go. I'm running down sidewalks as fast as I can and his wife catches up with me. She stops me and threatens to turn me into law enforcement. I am so broken at this point sitting on a curb to a busy street that's in the opposite direction of my destination. I am weeping uncontrollably because whatever I try, I cannot get to where I need to be.  This next part is a bit of a blur but the next thing I know, I am home. I attempted to make two phone calls to my father. Neither time was there a ringtone.


One of the things I missed most was calling my father every couple of days. I really hadn't been on my own for that long, so it was always comforting to converse and get his opinion on things. My parents and I would have our own "Taco Tuesdays" where I'd go to their house, have dinner, and watch Sons of Anarchy on a weekly basis.

This dream just reminded me how much I do miss my folks and I will always have these fond memories of spending time with them. I jumped every time they needed me and was by their side the whole time of their down turns. Of course everyone wishes they had more time with their deceased loved ones. I am not unusual, I know. I'm content with the way things ended. We had a very happy and nice Holiday Season 2013. I don't regret anything because I was far from negative in my reaction to the last six months. I didn't hold back any love, I was strong, and I was right where I needed to be.

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